Life in sch is getting chaotic... endless reports, then b4 u noe it... time for exam... sometime, i wonder... y m i rushing like mad? wat is the purpose? i didnt learn anything in this rush accept to meet datelines... oh yeah.. and think for a title for the report...

last week... i was rushing report till i didnt get enough slp.. i think the average slping time for the whole week is 3 hrs? haiz.. slp... my slp.... my bed....

i didnt noe i was stress... i tot i was only rushing out the report.. not stress... till one day, when i closed my eyes... i saw numbers... all the stuff i have calculated... all the facts and experimental errors... i cant slp peacefully.... then i noe.. I WAS STRESSED! sianz...

i realised being buried under piles of work and being stress didnt help in 4getting the past and ppl... in fact it made u miss the person more... at least for my case.... n I HATE IT! y muz my brain allow him to come into my mind?! i tot he is out of my mind for quite some time le?

yes... the more i stress.. the more i kana buried under the mountains of work.. the more i missed him... i missed his voice... giving the motivation to hang on, encouraging me to continue walking... i missed his encouraging and reassuring hug.. giving me strength.... i missed his failed attempts to made me laugh... and made me 4got watever was bothering me.... even juz his presence... oso could make me feel better... EEEKKKK.... y like tt?! i dun want it! i dun wanna be such a weakling!

i cant go find him... no way i gonna start running in circles again... no i cant call him.. coz i will want more than juz call. no, i cant do anything!!!! i juz cant do anything except to force him out of my mind! i hate him, i hate myself! i wanna ALT CTR DEL!

I've totally understand wat WY had been thru for the past 2 yrs! WY, so sorry that we werent THAT understanding.. i mean we understand ur situation, but then we did give you some pressure to a certain extend. Nw i can fully understand wat u had been thru, hw u were being torn between frens and sch.

DEAR family and frens,

The course I'm studying nw is call a CRASH course. That is why at the end of the 2 years, we can get bachelor with honors. It will take about 4 yrs to finish exactly the same course in NZ. My course is not what you all think about the REAL university life, where ppl are leading carefree life and enjoying every moment of it (even if u all are rushing for reports or mugging). We cant planned our time -table to our liking, nor we can bargain the due dates with the lecturers. Our one day of lectures is equivalent to 1 week of lectures in NZ. and yep, the WHOLE DAY. Dun be amazed tt the lecturer could finish at least 2 -3 chapters or even a half of a particular module a day.

We are all absorbing as much information as we can. coz by the end of the month, it will be the final exam of the module. PLUS, due to my course of study, we have a lot of lab work which required us to write report, and the longest due date given was 2 weeks. we had 1 which required us to hand in the report the very next day.

It is NOT that i wanna act hardworking or wat. It's i have no choice! TYL is famous of being a slacker, i'll slack every chance i have, BUT i cant! This is the choice i've made, i need to accept it. SO i may not be able to join the gatherings or slacking sessions as frequently. STILL, i tried to be there as many sessions as possible.

TYL is oso famous of MIA in class, but not this time round. Coz every min counts in the lecture. Last time, I MIA, i can juz self study i can fully understand and do well in exams. But this time round, i need to listen to absorb. Say tt i'm old liao, brain function not as well as last time and it is a long time since i last STUDIED for real. So I'm trying to absorb.

PLUS, TYL dun have any savings(serve me right), so now without work, my only source of income is from tuition. My time is divided for tuitions, reports and classes... n i dun really have any more time left.

I'm glad tt most ppl ard me are very understanding. However, i noe it is frustrating when i kept saying i not free, got test, need to do report blah blah blah... and can be very annoying when it comes to arranging time /slots.

Juz wanna let u all noe, it is NOT tt i wanna act hardworking or trying to SHOW OFF tt i'm REALLY bz with sch.. it is really I've NO CHOICE.

I've chose to come back to sch, i dunno if i'm able to survive these 2 yrs or do well... but i wanna do my best, at least i will not live with regrets in future.

Thanks ppl, for ur utmost understanding...