Have been clearing my desk, re-arranging my lecture notes during poly time... and I found this - an assignment for Effective Communication Skills - Journal Practice.

My Regret

I have a very good male friend. He was always there for me when I needed him. He accompanied me when I was lonely; he listened to all my grumbles; he made me laugh when I was too stress up; coaxed me to sleep in sleepless nights; gave me a warm hug when I was helpless. I felt that I was fortunate to find someone who was so nice to me.

One day, he told me that he wanted to go and stayed over at his friend's house for overnight computer games, so he could not accompany me the day after. The first thing that came to his mind was that he wanted to join his friends as they were all staying over for a night of games. He felt that cancelling our meeting that day was not a big deal. But I lost my temper the moment he told me he was cancelling the meeting, as the first thing that flashed in my mind was that I was less important than his friends; that I was nothing to him. I shouted at him, saying that he only came to me when he needed my help and all sorts of accusations. He tried to reason with me, explained to me. However, I was too angry to think rationally. I refused to listen to him and even hanged up on him.

In the end, he stopped contacting me for a few days. Actually, he did not contact me because he knew that I was still mad and nothing he said could get into my head, so he let me cool down first before he contacted me. At that time, my mind was telling me that he really did not treat me as a special friend; I was just a normal friend to him. He did not care if I was hurt or angry. I could not control myself, so I called and scolded him for being heartless, and insensitive. I told him that I was stupid to think that I was important to him. I was very unreasonable.

He was angry, and shouted at me. He asked why I was so unreasonable. Why I was putting so much to the situation? If I was not important to him, why would he bother to be there for me whenever I needed someone? I kept quiet because I was scared as he never shouted at me before. I realised that I was too irrational; I did not cool myself down to think properly. I let my automatic thoughts rule me and caused the fight. I apologised. He told me that my words were hurtful, and I should think about his feelings too.

After that incident, we were back to normal. Too bad, I did not really learn from this mistake, similar incidents happened a few more times. We are not close anymore.

Now, I have learned that I should not let the illogical me to rule me. I should have cooled myself down, clarified things with him in a peaceful manner. I should not have accused him and should not assume things. If I had thought first before I acted, I would tell him that I was not stopping him to be with his friends. It was just that I felt hurt when he cancelled the meeting that was decided a few days ago because his friend invited him last minute. Maybe thing would not have turned so ugly.

After reading this, the 1st thing i tot... WAH, I HANDED THIS TYPE OF WORK IN?!??! OMG!

1. The English sucks (and I realised that there were a few mistakes that my tutor didnt mark me down), i'm like marking my student's work, which i would blow my top! and to think tt my tutor gave me 74%. wahaha

2. How childish can I be?! OMG!! just coz of this incident.. i can create such a big woo haa!? wah!! Amazing!

but well... these are the memories that are so close to ur heart.. wahaha.. if not for this entry... i dun think i would even remember this had happened(till now i still cant recall exactly hw this incident happened). hmmm... i muz have felt terrible at tt time ba...

this oso proved one thing.. no matter hw hurtful/painful at tt pt... u will 4get eventually.. this entry was 4-5yrs ago.. wahaha...