My life sucks big time! everything seems to go wrong.. work life, personal life, love life.. SUCKS

1. being scolded coz i say i dunno to PLC or contactor or watsoever... this is not my field, hw shld i noe?!? i'm NOT all rounder! i'm juz a normal human being with my strenght and weakness!!!!!

2. beind shoot for nth... was given instrcutions by boss that i shld communicate Technically with the customer directly.. nw he scolded me coz i replied the email... n better still he always blame ME n nt his staff nor the customers! it's only me who is in the wrong.... i cannot tahan... i ran into one of my worker's arms and cried out loud... y m i being scolded for sth i FOLLOWED instructions? n i searched for the BLACK and WHITE the whole day, juz to EXPLAIN myself.

Then, the very impt person in my life is so angry with me tt she dun wish to tok to me. n i dun even noe wat to do... coz anything will trigger the anger.. n it will make things worse...
anyway, it is me lah.... i'm juz plain to toopid... being a directionless creature.. no pt explaining as it is a fact.. n everyday at work... explaining is damn tiring... after work.. i still have to explain...
make matter worse... even my own bro oso need me to EXPLAIN MYSELF for 2 whole hrs!
y?? m i such a failure that the whole world need me to explain myself then they noe wat is happening or why i do this/that?

Mommy said tt ever since i went back work.. i've changed... i become more aggressive... and noe hw to protect myself le (which she feels is good).. i have been miss goody for so long (my mom always say i dunno hw to protect myself)... after being shoot so frequently... i become a porcupine.. i will retaliate if i feel threaten.. mommy say she understand coz my work environment, tt's y i become like tt... but she felt tt i have become from this extreme (extreme nice and temperless) to the other extreme (like a porcupine)... she asked me.. 'R U HAPPY?'
i didnt ans... but i wanted to say, I M NOT! i hate myself nw! i'm no longer the nice TYL tt is easy to get along with... i'm no longer the friendly TYL who is well like and well love by everyone.... i'm juz someone who everyone hates! i have more n more time being alone.. n i hate it! Mommy say i shld learn hw to strike a balance.. can protect myself.. n at the same time be friendly...

with all these happenings.. i realised tt i miss him like crazy.. hw i wish he is here... holding me tight.. telling me everything is juz a nightmare... hw i wish i can really cry my heart out in his arms... with him acting cute n silly juz to make me laugh... but no... this will never happen again... n i shld say luckily he is not here.. coz if he is here.. but have no time for me.. i think i will be sadder... well.. blessing in disguise...

haiz... 无奈，无助，无能为力.. my life is juz so F*** UP!