My life sucks big time! everything seems to go wrong.. work life, personal life, love life.. SUCKS

1. being scolded coz i say i dunno to PLC or contactor or watsoever... this is not my field, hw shld i noe?!? i'm NOT all rounder! i'm juz a normal human being with my strenght and weakness!!!!!

2. beind shoot for nth... was given instrcutions by boss that i shld communicate Technically with the customer directly.. nw he scolded me coz i replied the email... n better still he always blame ME n nt his staff nor the customers! it's only me who is in the wrong.... i cannot tahan... i ran into one of my worker's arms and cried out loud... y m i being scolded for sth i FOLLOWED instructions? n i searched for the BLACK and WHITE the whole day, juz to EXPLAIN myself.

Then, the very impt person in my life is so angry with me tt she dun wish to tok to me. n i dun even noe wat to do... coz anything will trigger the anger.. n it will make things worse...
anyway, it is me lah.... i'm juz plain to toopid... being a directionless creature.. no pt explaining as it is a fact.. n everyday at work... explaining is damn tiring... after work.. i still have to explain...
make matter worse... even my own bro oso need me to EXPLAIN MYSELF for 2 whole hrs!
y?? m i such a failure that the whole world need me to explain myself then they noe wat is happening or why i do this/that?

Mommy said tt ever since i went back work.. i've changed... i become more aggressive... and noe hw to protect myself le (which she feels is good).. i have been miss goody for so long (my mom always say i dunno hw to protect myself)... after being shoot so frequently... i become a porcupine.. i will retaliate if i feel threaten.. mommy say she understand coz my work environment, tt's y i become like tt... but she felt tt i have become from this extreme (extreme nice and temperless) to the other extreme (like a porcupine)... she asked me.. 'R U HAPPY?'
i didnt ans... but i wanted to say, I M NOT! i hate myself nw! i'm no longer the nice TYL tt is easy to get along with... i'm no longer the friendly TYL who is well like and well love by everyone.... i'm juz someone who everyone hates! i have more n more time being alone.. n i hate it! Mommy say i shld learn hw to strike a balance.. can protect myself.. n at the same time be friendly...

with all these happenings.. i realised tt i miss him like crazy.. hw i wish he is here... holding me tight.. telling me everything is juz a nightmare... hw i wish i can really cry my heart out in his arms... with him acting cute n silly juz to make me laugh... but no... this will never happen again... n i shld say luckily he is not here.. coz if he is here.. but have no time for me.. i think i will be sadder... well.. blessing in disguise...

haiz... 无奈，无助，无能为力.. my life is juz so F*** UP!

I had this weird dream:

I dream tt i drove a BENZ (ok... dun ask me hw come.. i oso wondering it myself), to a chalet @ dunno where. This place got chalet and condo de... this is supposingly a chalet with Jason, JX, Harris and gang... but i saw my pdtn workers toking to me.. telling me hw to go to the chalet.
(As i say.. this is a weird dream)

Then i parked my car at somewhere very far away from the stated chalet... and walked towards it.. then when i reach the place.. (it was up on a hill), i went to explore and see is there any possibility tt i can park my car near the chalet... as i walked out of the chalet.. there is this guy behind...

he is my BF in my dream.. he walked towards me and hugged me and asked me where i was going? and we held our hands walking ard to find the place for my car to park. Then i found out tt i can reach the chalet if i drove up a multi-storey carpark... i have no confidence in driving up.. so i asked 'HIM' if he wld acc me... and if i happened not to be able to drive.. he shld take over..

Then next sence... we were in the car... he was holding me the way i like guys hold me in REAL LIFE... then everything was blur blur.. i woke up...

I DIDNT GET TO SEE WHO IS THIS SUPPOSINGLY BF!! only noe he is quite tall and big.. (NOT FAT... is juz not those skinny type)...not wearing specs.... then dunno liao...

funny dream rite?? i was wondering m i so in need of a guy till like tt?!?!? wahahahhaa.... anyway, i shall go n sleep and see if i can get a clearer pic of this Boyfriend... :p

"hi, hope everything is fine for u. Dun reply me, coz i still not intend to have anything to do with u yet. I juz feel that it's unfair to u that i suddenly MIA since u did nth wrong. Sorry, but i really cant be the good fren u hoped for. so no contact is the best for both of us n the best thing i can give you the last time. Without me, mayb u'll be happier. Take Care."

Yes, it still hurts... but it shld be done. I'm choosing the 'should do, must do, have to do' path instead of the 'want to do' path... this is the 无奈 in life. Just let nature takes its course.. time heals....

BTW, a happy note....
ONLINE RADIO IS BACK!!!