我好笨！为什么他一次一次地说出空话，我还一次一次的相信他？今天，就好像一巴掌把我打醒：陈燕玲！你还在做什么梦？醒来面对现实！

他伤心、彷徨时，一通电话就能找到我。因为我会一直在的。我需要人陪，听我诉苦的时候怎样都找不到他。为什么要被伤了那么多次才发现自己在他的心里其实连一根草都不如？我只是一个能被利用的大傻瓜，一直在这里笨笨的守护着他。我也是人！我也需要有人依靠的时候！！

有人问我，他会来找你吗？我很肯定地说会，因为他会需要我的帮忙。他真的来找我，不过，并没有要我帮忙。他说他最近很忙，等他忙完了，我们出来吃顿饭。我等。一个星期过了，他没消息。我无所谓，只是失望。那天，我好需要一个人陪时，sms, msn, 都找不到他。我也无话可说。后来，他又来找我，先是为他的忙碌而向我道歉，然后说这星期一起出来吃饭。我等，再等。没有他的消息。我以为他忙到忘记了要meet 我的这一回事。所以，我又再次笨笨地 sms, msn 他，然后等。结果，他什么回应也没有，连一个简单的‘我很忙’都懒得跟我说。

他又再次的闹失踪，我又再次的空等。朋友需要做到这样吗？这算是朋友吗？没用的我，又再次因为他而掉下眼泪。这次我真的真的好绝望，我真的想当做从来都没认识过这个人。他又把我当朋友看待吗？我为什么要一次又一次地在他需要人的时候在他身边，给与他最大的鼓励？
或许，真的应该回到当初的陌生人吧。。。。。

It is 0300... n i still not sleepy... y? coz i slept the whole day... woke up at noon... rot n slack at home whole day.. slept again.. wake up.. then go sleep again... no one ask me out.. lazy to go out oso lah... then finally.. xian ask me out.. wahaha... rot at cwp at night lor..

anyway, recently... dunno y.. not in very gd mood.. y? i wish i noe... haiz... ok.. i noe... he is back... he came back into my life... create a whole mess... ok.. i noe is me.. problem lies in me... i shldnt let myself get involve.. i shldnt allow myself fall into the trap again... ppl warned me... yet... haiz... i'm used to not having him in my life.. y he appear again??? y m i so lousy??? get shaken so easily.... i tot i already kan kai le... but y? y when he is back to the ignoring mode... i felt so terrible??? damn!! i really hate myself!!

TH told me.. 重新得到，会再失去，那么宁可别重新得到。因为会再次尝试失去的痛苦. true lor... tt's y i'm afraid.. i'm afraid i fell back in again... then hurt all over again.. i was careful.. but still... 感情的事，真得不能用理智来处理。

曾经，你有一样东西，不过后来因为某种原因你失去了；你痛哭了好久。后来，你又莫名奇妙的找回，可是却也莫名其妙的再次失去；那种痛真得无法形容。最可悲的是这次一滴眼泪也掉不下来。会哭才不会那么痛苦，可是真的这次怎么也哭不出来。也许是知道根本一点也不值得、也许因为麻木了、也许忘了怎么哭了。

haiz... suan le... i can pick myself up last time.... this time i oso can de... i'm tyl.... i can de

I'm 23 yr old le!!! wahahaa....
Old liao... haiz... this yr bdae... ok lor.. quite low profile... wahaha... 1st... on the 9th jul, went out with my poly gang. Sing KTV with YP, LY and TH... (finally tt TH willing to pick up the mic and sing.. hahaa)... then we met up with YH, Zac, KG, WY... for a late lunch.. shop abit.. n go take photo card.. hahaa... photos will be up soon at my multiply page... go see ba... but then muz wait for YP to send me some more... wahaha...

then on the 10th.. went out for dinner with my family at this unknown restaurant... wahaha... trust my mom to find this type of lobang... got offer.. n got free cake for bdae celebration... wahaha.. well.. it's international buffet.. overall the food.. is Fair.. service is gd.. cake mah... fair lor... wahaha... the cake photo will be up in multiply oso lor.. wahaha...

Then on the 11th... ACTUAL DAY!!!.... haiz.. work as usual.. go tuition as usual... stunned when a lot of unexpected ppl sms me... wishing me... wahaha.. then tot this yr.. mybdae will be like tt pass quietly... who noes... when i reached home after tuition... i saw cheryl n yh at my hse... asked them how come at my hse... they tell me coz yh comp spoil.. come my hse use comp... ahaha.. when i go into my room... my whole bed is filled with Doraemon stuff lor!!! haha.. i scremed sia.. wahhahaa... cheryl the best lor.. wahhaaha.... coz sure is her idea de.. yh wun think of buying me doraemon de... hee (photos up in multiply... muz wait for cheryl send me photo 1st)... then by right i suppose to see JM once i stepped into the hse.. but well.. he late lor.. whahaha...

he reached at abt 11 sth.. wahahaa... after i cut the cake... btw yh made tiramisu sia.. NICE NICE!! wahahaa... anyway, i nearly gonna stop toking to JM if he 4got my bdae... hahaha.. but as i said... he reached at 11 sth... wahaha.... with champange chocolate for me!!!! hee....
Love my frens... best sia... muz thank JM, YH, Cheryl, my sis (for ganging up with them)... whahaa...
Thank yp n Ly for tt card... thanx CC for the tortoise... n my bro n marie for the shades, watch n doraemon hp chain.. hee... thanx daddy n mommy for the dinner.. n pei he my frens n yx on tues... wahahaa... though low profile... i'm still happy.. :P

5th July 2006 - My Graduation... Had to wake up early in the morning, go SP in formal attire. to recieved Dip... finally! Graduate le... seems so long.. yet so fast.. haha.. 3 yrs... as i say.. things happen... sad, happy, sweet, exciting, angry, nervous, funny... u name it.... i think i had the most interesting life in poly sia.. haha

as usual.. ceremony muz start off with ppl coming in n sit down...'with a little drama - i slipped n fall when walking down the stairs... to find my mommy... MALU!!!! wahaha.. and guess wat... my heels broke.. wahaha... n so nice... 2 broke at the same time.. so i no need worry 1 high 1 flat.. wahaha.. coz both become FLAT! ahaha'

back to the ceremony... then we waited for the guest of honour (some ppl frm dunno where.. but i sure nt frm spore)to come in.. everyone stood up.. sing national anthem.. then sit down.. allow the guest of honour to give speech... which almost 99.9% of it i didnt listen.. 1stly.. his ang mo too powderful for me to understand.. next. was smsing yp who was sitting at the other corner of the convention center... wahaha.. and oso smsing TH.. who was sittiing beside me... with one stranger in between us.. wahaha... so how to listen?! wahaha

then finally.. start to give out dipolma le.. see one by one go up take... wah.. really scare i go up on stand malu myself again by falling down. whaha.. but lucky no have.. wahaha... phew..

then finally got dip le.. ceremony ended with a graduate giving a speech.. which i didnt hear 99.9% of it.. coz i was bz toking to zac.. who changed his seat to beside me... wahaha..

we went out of the convention center.. my cute mommy n sis.. rush off to get the reception stuff... (their main motive to attend this ceremony is due to FOOD!!!!)... anyway, cant find them anywhere.. (ok. i too lazy to find them.. coz i noe where will they be... ) we these few crazy ppl started to take photo lor.. Y-gangz... W.X.Y3,Z... with lecturers.. wahaha... with my lao da.. blah blah blah... (photos will be up when yp sent me... she nt send me yet)

after tt .. went to JP had fish n co with yh, wy, yp... gossip... tok... rot.. wah.. long time never like tt le wo.. whaha... then at night went to highlight my hair.. wahaha.. my salon is call YP.. but nt my yeepei lah,... i 4got wat it call le.. hehe... nw i look like ah lian(quoted frm TYX!!!)

July.... It marks the 1st anniversary of this blog.. one yr le.. it had accompany thru my ups and downs.. July... oso my graduation mth... July.. is the most enjoyable mth every yr.. hope this yr oso the same... hahaa...

Today, had a long tok with mommy, yw and yx... they told me they find me wierd wierd... they say i changed... i become very moody, very short tempered... mood swings... i tot i always like tt de??? i blur... they say sth is bothering me... and i didnt say out.. but wat? i oso dunno.. coz i think nth is bothering me leh..

yw tell me.. i can bluff every1 in the whole world but cant bluff ownself... but i really dunno wat is bothering me... the he say mayb is sth i deemed as nt impt... so put it at the back of my mind.. but subconciously it already affected my emotion??? wah.. then this i really dunno le...

mommy told me... wat's bothering me shld be so r/s prob and not frm my work... i more puzzle.. how come i got r/s prob.. n i dunno.. then they say i have to go find out myself wat is the prob.. n solve it.. she say i keep alot of things to myself.. i bottled everything up... then one day i sure outburst.. then really jia lat le...

haiz.. i tok so much... yet they say i bottled eveything up.. mommy say.. coz wat i say de... nt really frm my bottom of my heart de ... i say out de r nt impt de lor.. hmm... izzit?? i oso dunno... whole day i've been asking... wat's bothering me?? coz i so short temper.. yx say is my frens.. coz in sch i too dependent on my frens emotionally.. so nw at work le.. i dunno where to depend on.. coz all bz with their own life.. haiz.. si mah?? i oso dunno... dun think so leh.. haiz..

dunno dunno. dun wana think le... suan le...