一封寄不出去的信

XXX,

结果，我们还是走到了这一步。想起来，好像一切是注定的。

还记得吗? 我曾和你说我有个不祥的预感∶我即将失去你，因为你离我越来越远。

你叫我别想太多，你不是好好的坐在我身边吗？当时的我觉得好感动、好幸福。因为有你，所以就忽略了在心里最深处的呐喊。

心底很清楚地感受到这一切都是个梦，很快就会消失，但我却宁愿沉浸在你给的甜美时光里，也不愿去面对心底的呼喊∶我即将走入一个深渊，一个会让我痛苦的深渊。我放纵自己，让自己去享受你所给的一切，我以为当你离开时我会很快就淡忘一切，我以为我能潇洒的放下。

我太高估我自己了，还是太低估了我对你的感情？我自己也不知道，只知道我想逃，不想在这里打转。 好累。

我已做了决定。三年前是你选择离开、选择逃避。三年后，是我选择离开。

说不会心痛是骗人的。我的心比什么都还要痛。看见你送我的熊，眼泪会不由自主地掉下来。经过曾和你走过的路、看过的事物、做过的事都会让我勾起那些回忆。我一直都在和不一样的人去同样的地方、做同样的事，为了就是要制造新的回忆。但都不能。

说不想你是骗人的。无时无刻你的笑容、温柔、可爱表情、幼稚的举动都会出现在我脑海里。想要有人陪伴、有人给与温柔的拥抱时更加想你。所以，我一工作来麻痹自己。让我自己忙就不会有空闲的时间想你。

虽然还会担心你；怕你有心事不说、怕你累坏身子、怕你吃不好睡不好。但我想我的担心是多余的。你现在也许很幸福。

我很累。真得好累。不明不白的关系托了这么多年，是时候有个了结。我选择放弃、离开。既然你不能给我爱情，我也给不了你友情，我们就走到这里。其实这决定不只害我失去一位我最在乎的人、也害你失去一位好友。真是抱歉。
不过还是要谢谢你曾在我生命中留下美好的回忆。心还是会痛，但长痛不如短痛。再托下去我会更加遍体鳞伤。

也许我会用一段很长的时间把你淡忘、也许我一辈子都忘不了你。以后的事，谁能预料？只能说，也许很久很久以后再见到你，能若无其事的和你打声招呼也不一定。

祝福你，
曾经的好友

if u realised tt my font size is bigger. yes.. no worries... nt ur screen prob... u didnt see wrongly.. i've changed it!

COZ I GOT A BROTHER ( A BLOOD BROTHER WITH SAME MOTHER AND FATHER AND SISTER), by the name of Mr. BEN TAN YONG WEI, age 25 yet with a mentality, hearing and sighting condition of a 70 year old man complained tt my blog is soooooo complicated and the wordings are so small tt everytime he reads it, he feel like bashing me up! SO TO SATISFY HIM, i increased the font size!!! and when i'm free, i'll make it OLD MAN PROOF!

btw, this is my blog.. i think i can write watever i want rite?

to the selected few: msn me to get the full story. If u r still wondering if u are the selected one? reassure.. u r not..

Have u ever encounter this kind of scenerio?

Early in the morning 0930, ur hp rang (u normally off ur hp when u r asleep, ONLY on it when u awake, so u WERE REALLY wondering y n how come ur hp will ring! and plus u slept at 0430 juz nw, so u can imagine the ring of hp WAS definitely NOT a WELCOMING sound). U picked up the call.
While you were still blur blur, the other party gave u the shocked of ur life! this happened to me THIS MORNING...

"U r still SLEEPING?!"
"Yah..." Hello!? it is 0930! n it is a SAT morning, of coz i'm still in bed!
"I'm waiting for u at the swimming pool nw, n u r still in bed?!" the caller shouted

WAIT!? since when i promised to wake up early for a morning swim? NO, i didnt promise! i didnt say yes! i was sure! but y is the caller there n INSISTED tt I had agreed!?!?

"Huh? I got say i going meh? no ar.. i didnt promise..."

I was scratching my head.. n trying to wake tt mind up and rake all the events tt had happened the past few days... I WAS SURE i didnt say i going....

"Yes, u did! nw hw!? u r leaving me here? u fly me aeroplane!" Yes, the caller sounded pissed

Inward, I groaned! TRYING damn hard to remember DID I EVER SAY tt i going swimming?!! n My body really do not have the strenght to get up....

"when did i fly aeroplane? i didnt promise u!!" OH DEAR! help me! i wanna sleep somemore!!!
"YES! YES!! I WANT u to come out nw!!!!" if this caller is any other body... i think i wld juz hang up n go back to sleep... but tt is my PRECIOUS FEW!

I dragged myself out of bed.. mentally thinking where did i put my swimming costume.. and hw can i pack my stuff using the fastest way... n wondering did i say YES in my dreams!? n trying to reason out with the caller that i DIDNT agree to go swimming...

Yes, i was thinking of going out liao... of coz, not tt i admit tt i had agreed to go swimming and had forgotten.. is coz tt caller is the PRECIOUS FEW...

Then... wait.. i heard tt behind the shouting, there was a smile... a laughter... THIS CUTE CALLER OF MINE, called me early in the morning at 0930 after her swim, to wake me up and gimme a scare of my life and then smile and say
"It is a nice sat morning! u shldnt be sleeping! u muz wake up!"
"aiyo, i slept at 0430. Please leh.. let me sleep can?"
"who tell u to sleep at 0430?"
"I normally off my hp, hw come it is on today? and u can reach me?!"
"HAHAHAHAA.. it is FATED! WAKE UP!!!"
"my da xiao jie, i really slept at 0430!"
"i dun care, i woke up so early... so u oso have to wake up!!!"

I groaned again.. n she laughed... and say 'i missed u leh, so call u lor'
GOD KNOWS THE TRUTH!!

Oh god! i never on my hp till i wake up! n i think i juz accidentally on it b4 i slept today... this happened! really fated sia...
Supposingly i shld be in a bad mood and gonna curse n swear.. haiz... but i think i owe this person in my past life sia.. i wasnt abit pissed, and even acc to chat till she reached home. n the details? i dun really remember... coz i was still in dazed!!!!

yes, this person woke me up... end up, at 0930 i was online and playing FB!! my sis woke up and asked me.. "did u even sleep?"
HAIZ!!! u noe my reasons!

YES, this is the precious few that u will spend ur time with.. rot ur time away with, and u enjoy the company. This is the precious few tt u noe hw tired u r, or hw bz u r, u will oso make the effort to meet each other (esp when u all haven meet each other for sometime); be it juz a 30min dinner plus a short walk frm cwp to my tuition kid hse, or a long lazy afternoon. this is the precious few who noe ur whole family inside out, and can share ur woes. This is the precious few who can laugh at ur joke of the day/year, suan u like no tml, listen to all ur complains abt work, or simply to bitch ard and cry with u when u r hurting. This is the precious few tt u noe, even if they say they r not gonna meet u, does not love u, tell u to stop zi zuo duo qing or angry with u or say tt his/her dog is more impt, they will always be there when u need them... this is the precious few tt will hit u and scold u and remind u if u happen to go towards the wrong direction... this is the precious few tt will acc u, when the whole world is attached and living in their own world....

so wat if this precious few is attached!? wahahaha.. dunno leh.. we'll see when the time comes.. hehehee

Side line: This cute caller of mine, happily tell me tt she is going to take her LONG awaited afternoon nap at 1400 and thanks to her, i cant sleep as i'm meeting a fren at 1500 so i need to go out at 1400!!

NW IS 0400 AGAIN! and i make sure my hp is OFF this time round.. YEP! it is off! n dun try calling my hse, my room dun have phone anymore.. hehe...

Thanks to Ivan, i got a webby of dream decoder @ http://dreammoods.com/cgibin/dreamdictionarysearch.pl?method=exact&header=dreamsymbol&search=snake!! hahaa

Snake

To see a snake or be bitten by one in your dream, signifies hidden fears and worries that are threatening you. Your dream may be alerting you to something in your waking life that you are not aware of or that has not yet surfaced. Alternatively, the snake may be seen as phallic and thus symbolize temptation, dangerous and forbidden sexuality. If you are afraid of the snake, then it signifies your fears of sex, intimacy or commitment. The snake may also refer to a person around you who is callous, ruthless, and can't be trusted. As a positive symbol, snakes represent healing, transformation, knowledge and wisdom. It is indicative of self-renewal and positive changes.�
To see the skin of a snake in your dream, represents protection from illnesses.
To dream that you are eating a live snake, indicates that you are looking for intimacy or sexual fulfillment. Your life is lacking sensuality and passion. If you vomit or throw up the snake, then it may mean that you are overcompensating for something that is lacking in your life. You may be rushing into something.

Hmmm.. conclusion: People ard me ARE callous, ruthless and cant be trusted... coz alot snakes ard me...then one big white snake squased to death means tt one of them will be removed frm my life?!

Scary rite?! WHO CAN I TRUST? poor me.. i shall be low profile nw... n only stick to my beloved yt and ivan.. wahahahaha

suddenly got the 'spend $$' feeling... so went to buy a new card tag for office access card, a new hp pouch and accessory for my hp! As those who noe me shld noe, I'm A VICTIM of cute stuffs... well.. my beloved bro seems to 4got abt it... i bought all these ALL BY MYSELF!




Asmine went China, she cant find anything to buy.. but saw alot of doraemon.. so end up getting these for me... cute lor... wahaha...



I had a werid dream previous night.. i dreamed tt i was in a room with A LOT of snakes haning down frm the ceiling.. once u walked past.. can feel it sliding ard ur shoulders/back.. *shivers*....
then suddenly saw a white snake on the floor.. being 'squashed' to death by a door.. bloody image.. "shivers*... i noe dreamed of snakes is actually quite good... however, my dream so weird... wonder wat it mean... any dream decoder?? hahahahaa

ok.. this sounds stupid... but i've lost everything in my hp!!! y?? story goes like this:

I realised tt my media player cant read the memory in my memory card and can view photos frm my camera album. I was wondering wat happen for abt 1 week.. then i decided to use media manger to sync my hp with comp... but still it cant work... so finally i decided maybe is the software out of date... so i downloaded the software... to update my hp...

but i 4got one most impt thing... coz i cant sync my hp with comp... i 4got abt the stuff in my phone memory... so end up i didnt back up!!! n GONE, the whole list of phone numbers which took me 3 days to organise.. so frens/suppliers whom i met/saved ur number after i bought my this new C905, which is after Apr 2009, ur numbers are gone... so if u all are kind enough sms me using ur number...

then ALL the sms i DID NOT delete for memory purposes are gone! all memory GONE! i told yp... she say she gonna celebrate. y? coz she told me it's time to start afresh... 4got abt watever had happen... all memory gone is good.. at least i wun go back thinking wat had happen.. n hw sweet things were last time..

yes.. myhp is nw as good as new... with new software... limited phone numbers, and zero sms... mayb it is an indication...start afresh... can i do it?! y do i still feel the pain? i tot i'm numb.... haiz...

anyway, XH!! i'm really counting down liao.... mayb cant go overseas.. coz seems like no one got time to go... but we def WILL do sth!!! hahahaa

"The Biggest Loser" is now on... n the 2 contestants are juz to slackers who cant resist food. Bring chocolate cakes, mooncakes to any of them... see if theey will tell u they are on diet... wait... they will say they r on diet... BUT will still eat...

bring them to any Zhi Char... order crabs and stuff they like... you will see them eating happily... hahhaa... both of them have the voting system... and seems like yx is leading on the score board... y izzit so? coz her frens r loyal to her... BLINDLY... hahaha.... i have a few feedbacks frm her frens.. :
1. she sure will not lose so much weigh.. but as a fren we still vote for her
2. aiyah.. vote for her, let her happy
3. aiyo..i press wrongly lah

erm... so u noe hw she got all the votes?
anyway, i'm starting the betting system.. who is interested?
the rates for both of them are as below:
1. Yt - 1:5 (i decided not to be evil to put 1:10... hahaa)
2. Yx - 1:2 (this is base on the votes online)

Well... being the closest person to them... i cant take sides nor vote... so... i take bets!! hahhahaa

oh ya... another insider news.. one of yt's vote is yx's beloved bro vote de... Y IS THIS SO?! coz yx bro always side his sis.. so when he saw the title 'Who is the biggest loser?' he straight away click on yt... coz his beloved sister CAN NEVER be a loser!! hahahaha...

Enough of the updates... pls choose wisely.. n place ur bets...
Contact me for the bets... and will give the latest update on the voting results.
Voting will end in 88 days.